The Madness
by AnnaMay-Nutt
Summary: Chaos, of the chaotic variety!  Seems like everyone is acting a tad off... - Crack, pretty much.


**Hey guize. Well, this is what happens when I miss writing, have seen so many crack-ish things on the internetz lately, have a new video game obsession, and need to blow off some steam. xD **

**I am only bashing characters for fun, I like every character in this story, and I don't mean to offend anyone, so I hope I don't. If so I apologize. D;**

**OOC-ness. OOC-ness everywhere. The choppy structure is mainly on purpose.**

Zell walked into the library.

Zell looked around and saw the Library Girl that he was hopelessly in love with.

Zell walked over to her.

Zell greeted her.

This is what Zell said.

"Hello, Library!"

Library Girl turned around with a confused look on her face.

"What...?"

"Library! Its great to see you! How's it going?" Zell asked with that grin on his face. That grin of all grins. It made Library Girl's heart melt. But right now she was too confused to get too giddy.

"...My name is not Library...you know that right...?" she asked him.

"What? No, I'm sure your name is Library. Your last name is Girl. Right?"

Library Girl stared at Zell, dumbfounded. Was the man she was in love with really THAT dumb? Sure, she knew he wasn't the brightest, but she didn't think he was a complete idiot either.

"...Yes Zell. My name is Library Girl. Library A. Girl. The A. stands for "Ann"," she said sarcastically, still managing to overestimate Zell's mental capabilities.

"Ohhh! So now I know your full name! Library Ann Girl! But one day, it will be Library Ann Girl Dinct!" Zell said with a wink.

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><p><em>Elsewhere;<em>

"SQUUUUAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL~~!" Rinoa screamed as she ran down the halls. The halls seemed endless. "These halls are endless," she muttered. Muttered as she walked down the endless halls.

"Oh God, she's looking for me..." Squall mumbled, and hid behind a stack of boxes that were oh so conveniently placed near where he was standing. "Thanks authoress, you're a pal."

"Uh...NO PROBLEM MAN!" I say.

"...She's going to find me anyway isn't she?"

"Yup. TEEHEEHEEHEE!11!"

"I hate you."

"Less-than-three ya!"

"SQUALLY~!" Rinoa cried with joy. She heard his voice and knew he was near. So very near. He couldn't escape this time...

_"Oh man..."_ Squall thought, his heart slamming in his chest. She was coming for him and there was no where to run.

"Squall!" Rinoa yelled as she looked behind the boxes and found her knight. Her voice ripped apart his heart and his ear drums like Odin's scythe. He thought he was going to die from Zantetsuken at any moment.

"H-hi, Rin..." Squall stuttered, trying his best to look happy, when in reality fear was running rampant in his very soul.

"Squally! I missed you!" Rinoa said, tackling her boyfriend. She was so happy to see him again. Funny thing, she thought he had been avoiding her. Why on earth would he do something like that?

"I..I missed you too...!" Squall forced out, trying not to fall over from his girlfriend's mauling. She was so rough sometimes. Hm. Maybe he would start liking her again. ...Or not.

"Squally! I have big plans for you..." Rinoa said, her loving smile turning into that evil grin of hers. That evil grin that sent chills down his spine. That evil grin that started all of this running, this fear.

"...W-What...?" Squall asked, starting to shiver a little.

"Hehehe..." Rinoa's eyes looked like they led to the very pit of Hell itself.

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><p><em>5 frightening minutes later;<em>

"Good boy, Angelo! Make sure to pee on Squall's other leg too, though!" Rinoa snickered as her dog urinated on the poor human fire hydrant.

"Why me...?" Squall asked. He was chained to Rinoa's bedroom wall. If it had been another situation, with a less psychotic Rinoa, and no dog, this might have turned him on. But there was nothing arousing to him about her laughing evily while her dog was peeing on his bare legs. He looked down at the dog, and it looked up at him. Their eyes met. Squall could swear that its eyes were even worse than Rinoa's; they didn't look like they led to the pit of Hell, they looked like they WERE the pit of Hell.

"Because Squally, you're my knight...you're supposed to take care of me, and do what I need you to do...and I was tired of Angelo peeing on my bed..." Rinoa said, with that innocent smile of hers, but her eyes were still horrifying.

"Why...why don't you take him outside then?" Squall burst out, pulling at the chains, trying to break free.

"Because...I like watching you squirm..." Rinoa giggled, glaring at the object of her...apparent affections. Squall knew that this wasn't over...that there was more to come. His face paled.

* * *

><p><em>Elsewhere, again;<em>

Selphie walked around the quad, impatient. She was tired of waiting for that good-for-nothing boyfriend of hers to show up. No one makes Selphie Tilmitt wait and gets away unscathed.

"Hey, Sefie! Sorry I'm late! I was so hungry and got a big meal at the cafeteria, and lost track of time!" Irvine cried, running up to the girl. His grin melted her heart and she decided that he was spared as long as he didn't do something stupid like that again.

"Its okay, Irvy! Ready to play?" Selphie asked, jumping up and down.

"Actually Sefie, there's something I need to tell you..." Irvine said, twirling his pony tail nervously.

"What is it, Irvy?" Selphie asked, looking at him innocently, but in her mind, all sorts of thoughts were running through her head. Thoughts that started with _"Is he breaking up with me?"_ and ended with an image of Irvine dead in a pool of his own blood.

"Sefie...remember how you told me you had a crush on Nida?" Irvine asked, kicking at the ground gently, trying to calm down.

"Yes, Irvy..." Selphie trailed off, her mind wandering to a shirtless, sweaty Nida posing and saying "Hey Selphie, I can warm you up..." with that smooth, seductive voice of his. Then she remembered that she was still talking to Irvine and shook it off. "Why, is that bothering you now?"

"No, its not that...I mean! I am jealous but you know, I trust you and that's not why I'm here..." Irvine said, his voice seeming a bit shakey.

"What is it then, Irvy? Do YOU have a crush on someone?" Selphie asked, her voice getting just ever so slightly higher pitched.

"K-Kinda...I just...you were honest with me, so I wanted to be honest with you...I really do love you Selph! I have no intentions of leaving you or anything! I just felt like I'd be decieving you if I kept it from you..." Irvine said, looking like he was about to keel over from fear. He loved Selphie, sure, but he knew how scary she could be too.

"Oh...I see..." Selphie said, trying to remain calm, but her hands balled into fists. She knew she shouldn't be too mad. She was guilty of the same thing, she wasn't denying that. But oh, how she wanted to kill whoever had managed to snatch the tiniest bit of her beloved Irvine's affections from her.

"Like I said Selph! I love ya! I'm never leaving ya! Just...I didn't want to decieve you..." Irvine said, shaking rather violently. Selphie watched him, violent images raging through her head, but she managed to calm herself down and not make any of those images a reality.

"Its ok, Irvy. Thank you for being honest with me. So, who's the lucky girl who snatched some of your affection from me?" Selphie asked with an innocent smile, but Irvine knew there were homicidal thoughts running through her head. Yet, that part of his brain that is just flat out stupid thought that he should tell her anyway. She wouldn't do anything, right?

"Well...actually... this is a bit hard to say..." Irvine said, blushing. Selphie had to take several deep breaths to control herself, otherwise she would take the hedge clippers that were left in the grass nearby and use them on Irvine's fingers.

"Come on, you can tell me anything!" she encouraged, trying her best to be accepting.

"... I...I..." Irvine trailed off, thinking of the best way to say this. Selphie looked at him expectantly. He took a deep breath. "...I like...Raijin."

Selphie froze in place.

"Raijin...he's just so muscular...and his voice...sends chills down my spine...and the way he says "Ya know" so sexily...his form...I could run my fingers along his abdomen all day..." Irvine sighed, his mind wandering to Raijin's abdomen.

Cue dramatic zoom in to Selphie's twitching eye!

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><p><strong>I hope you liked it, guize. xD I need some ideas for chapter 2. D: Anyone have something they'd like to see? Also, any critique is appreciated. :3 Thank you for reading.<strong>


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